He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize