So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize