dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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