Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
