Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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