woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize