From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
