I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
