Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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