i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
