I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
