one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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