i jhust puked up my retainher.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
