Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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