He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
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