just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
