No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize