I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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