Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
