and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
