How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The beer is more important than you right now.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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