If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
