Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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