I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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