he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
