Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
