so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
