your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize