My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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