I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
