I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
