i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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