Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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