Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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