Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
