I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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