Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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