I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
