Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
