Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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