when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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