I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
