another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
