I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
