I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
God, I missed his penis.
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