Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
