Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
