You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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