Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
