fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
