she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
