Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
