FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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