I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize
