but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The Olympian is in my bed
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
