I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
