Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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