help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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