I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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