i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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