dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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