Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
