My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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