I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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