I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
