some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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