Tell her she can't have a vagina
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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