The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
