My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
