He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
