he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
