can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
