We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
