i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize