I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
