There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There r osticjed everywhere
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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