So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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