I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
