My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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