So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
