if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize