My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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