Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
