dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
