i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize