I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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