i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
