We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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