I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
