I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
