yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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