she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
