you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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