You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
