I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
