you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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