I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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