R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
