I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
