I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
