Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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