Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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