When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
