Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize