i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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