your parents love me but you hate me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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