end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
