oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
