will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
