No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
love makes seman taste better
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
