In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
